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Abuse vs Honoring:  Degrading Another Person’s Being is Never a Consensual Act

Abuse vs Honoring: Degrading Another Person’s Being is Never a Consensual Act

Consent, even when properly understood and communicated, is never enough to establish a meaningful, trusting, healthy relationship. What exactly do I give you permission to do when I “consent”? I do not give you the right to use or abuse me. I do not sign myself over to you for whatever fantasies come across your mind and project upon my body, mind, heart, and soul. I do not offer myself as a giver to you as a taker. Healthy relationship requires mutual sovereignty, vulnerability, respect, learning, and a keen commitment to “learn into” another person’s energy without projecting one’s own assumptions or needs.

In Chapter 6 of my newly released book, The Spiritually Confident Man, I talk about “Raising Men and Boys; Opening to Women and Girls.” In relations between the sexes and between adult and child, you do not see much in the way of mutual honoring. It’s as if we don’t know how, even if we’re intending to be respectful. How do I express myself to this different other in a way that is not simply imposing my will, but instead welcoming their will? How do I become truly co-creative? How do we work together in a dance where the innocence of the other is an invitations to my own joy and innocence rather than a signal to dominate or manipulate to meet some lack?

This is virgin territory, quite literally and metaphorically. We largely don’t know how to consent to co-creation. We don’t know how to co-create. We have been taught in the language of contract—“I’ll scratch your back, then you have to scratch mine.” This is imposition, expectation, soft or hard coercion. This promotes brutishness, not beauty, predation, rather than appreciation. How can we come together to meaningfully discuss healthy consent and what it means to honor and co-create with another person?

My wife and television journalist, Regina Meredith, recently interviewed a former seminarian with a M.Div. degree named Wieslaw Walawender. He is Polish by origin and committed his life to God, and was raped by his direct male supervisor on the cusp of his ordination. I will direct people to the interview to get the full story, but Wies’s words leapt out at me: “Why do they (abusers) do what they do?” Too many of us, horrified by the subject of sexual abuse unintentionally create a silence around the issue by representing abuse as twistedness or a confirming sign of evil meant to be exterminated or quarantined away from civilized people.

Yet sexual abuse is epidemic. In the psychology class I teach on motivation and emotion, roughly a third of my students admit to being sexually abused, usually in the form of incest and usually from fathers, uncles, and grandfathers to young girls. Many told their mothers, only to be told to keep quiet. A 2013 Atlantic Monthly article by Mia Fontaine entitled, “American Has an Incest Problem” states that: “One in three-to-four girls, and one in five-to-seven boys are sexually abused before they turn 18, an overwhelming incidence of which happens within the family… and this is a notoriously underreported crime.”

Fontaine goes on to say that the entire society would unravel is sexual abuse was actively investigated and prosecuted, as families would be split up, work disrupted, and society placed into a truthful but destabilizing turmoil. Perhaps this is why so many of the abused keep silent and others who suspect keep it far from their consciences. It’s ugly, ugly stuff. It is traumatic to think about, much less experience, yet each of us has a duty to think about it, discuss it, and advocate for the dignity of innocents abused, because the damage is overwhelming in terms of the spirit, mind, heart, and body of an individual and the very soul of the community they live within.

What can we do about it?

Walawender was somewhat pessimistic on the current approaches. He finds that psychotherapy does not work, and most programs are too “in the head” to reach the violence done to a person’s spirit by sexual abuse. Walawender himself was healed of his abuse by a Native American tribe, the Hualapai, who live on the rim of the Grand Canyon, through process that included prayer, chanting, incense, dancing, and even sleeping (without sex) with a virgin female to help heal, rebalance, realign and integrate his sexual orientation and foundational energies back into a state of health. The reverse is also true: Those whose orientations are LGBT as a matter of nature should not be bullied into pretending otherwise. The fundamental authentic state of a person’s sexual identity should not be abused, so that any person can grow into awareness and experience by their own choices and connections and not through some damaged reaction to someone else imposing their will and sexual identity upon him or her.

There do seem to be some ways forward though:

  • Walawender spoke of arranging meeting whereby the perpetrator of a sexual crime sincerely admitted wrongdoing and asked for forgiveness.
  • We cannot all find a Native American shaman to realign our energies around abuse, but perhaps we could take the notion of sexual polarity seriously as I do in my book, The Spiritually Confident Man, so that we recognize and explore how distinct female and male energies can balance and inform each other as energies and not simply as gender roles and expectations.
  • We could explore the development of positive, healthy touch as an antidote to negative, using touch. I found that if I allow positive masculine giving energy to pour through my being, and sensuality and healing, rather than sexuality to be the point in massage, I was able to make advances in healing a female friend who had been sexually abused.
  • More exploration and research has to be done on what effects duration of abuse, when abuse happened in the development of a person, and when intervention occurred (that is, how long after abuse before silence was broken and healing attempted).
  • It is a scary notion that abuse can “implant” a desire contrary to your spirit or soul, kind of like a possession, without your say, even to the point of altering your sexual orientation, as it did with Mr. Walawender. So the notion of sovereignty comes up as a significant point of discussion, and as a way to challenge false New Age notions that we “choose” our abuse as a learning opportunity of to settle some karmic score.
  • We need a serious and open discussion on “consent” that embraces a piercing look at the knowledge and intention of people involved in “consent.” As I said in my book, the exact same act, putting one’s hands on another’s shoulders, could be congratulatory and welcome or predatory and unwelcome, simple with a micro-ounce extra of pressure communicating a covetous desire. “Consent” also has to be discussed from a psychospiritual and emotional level and not simply from a contractual level.
  • We need to openly discuss what being “gender fluid” means and where it comes from. Some who call themselves “gender fluid” are rejecting the straitjackets of conventional roles and expectations they feel to be oppressive to their genuinely diverse sexual orientation. Others, have learned to be “gender fluid” possibly from damage they experienced from abuse. This, I think was the case for the tragic pop star Whitney Houston, who had allegedly been sexually abused by her aunt, singer Dee Dee Warwick, as revealed in the recently released film, Whitney.
  • We must begin to understand sexual energy, not just an animal impulse, but a psychic energy involving deep bonding, feelings of pleasure, love, fear, and pain, as well as a spiritual one involving potently creative forces which mix primordial energy and identity.
  • We have to investigate and recognize the damage is not just of the physical sort and that a child cannot developmentally know enough about what themselves and what they are consenting too to give sexual consent. When an adult seeks to legitimate his or her sexual abuse of child through the notion of consent and mutual pleasure (“Hey, I’m not hurting them physically and they seem to like it; what’s wrong with that?”), two things need to come up: 1) The damage to this child is to this child’s emotional, psychic, and spiritual fields, not just to his or her body, and 2) children cannot give meaningful sexual consent with an adult because they are not developmentally aware of the consequences of such an alleged consent. That’s why pedophilia is illegal.
  • I think we need to admit to ourselves that we keep silent on incest and sexual abuse because we experience even the thought or discussion of it as traumatic, nausea-inducing, and low frequency. This should never be an excuse for us to leave our children and other victims unprotected. On the positive side, we need to build with young people, in particular, positive and healthy ways to exchange touch and aspiration that does not involve mindless sex and consumed, manipulated images of who we are and who we ought to be.
  • We need to call out predators for what they are, sick in the diseased sense of the word. Predators have fallen to a psychospiritual disease and addiction with devastating effects to all of whom it touches including the perpetrator. This disease, as a say in my book, is vampire-like in its expression, sucking the spiritual innocence and energy and vitality from a usually younger, uncertain person. The predator learns to substitute his or her will for another. This emphasis on the disease allows for a compassionate and firm response, vs. attempts to simply marginalize predators by calling them twisted, low-lifes.

After hearing Wieslaw Walawender’s story, I was struck by how little success he had with experiencing or even imagining some constructive ways forward to dealing with the problem of sexual abuse from a positive, effective, and psychospiritual healing orientation.

Always Choose Love!

Always Choose Love!

My friend Mitra, died on Sunday – Easter, April Fool’s Day and the day of the Blue Moon. A perfect exit!

Before he died, he was drifting in and out of consciousness for the last weeks. Mostly out. I have found that this is a time when a soul is easy to contact. Other good times are when a soul has just transitioned out of the body and the physical life and when the soul is just about to enter the body in a new incarnation.

Many people were singing, playing music and meditating with and for Mitra in those last days. We like to put a joyous story around being released from the burdens of Earth Life, which is certainly true for most of us when we cross over. So stories of comfort and joy are what I subconsciously expected when I chose to link up with Mitra in the final days. The following is what he “shared” with me as I relaxed, closed my eyes and projected my awareness to him on the “other side.”

Mitra said that he was seeing life on Earth as someone viewing a terrarium and all of the life forms it contains from a purely observational mode. He then told me that he had been struggling with the brutality of society and the all-too-common unkindness of human earth life. He spoke of Earth being shrouded in darkness. The vision pulled out into a wide view of earth from the outer atmosphere. There was a subtle, barely visible, grid work of lines intersecting, dark at the vector points. Then he suddenly said with great urgency – “ALWAYS choose love, Regina!”

As he repeated these words, the grid began showing small dots of light spark up at the vector points. He showed what happens when people choose the frequency of love, acceptance, and compassion in daily dealings, even when they are in a frustrating situation. These spontaneous moments of the high frequencies we call love literally brighten our matrix.

It’s not that we aren’t aware of this concept. It was Mitra’s plea that this love practice become a conscious day-in-day-out, moment-in-and-moment-out, way of life. If this were to suddenly become the our reality broadly and deeply, life would change instantly. Meanwhile, it CAN change that instantly for each of us, each moment we choose love when we would normally choose some lesser mindset that would help us “deal” with the moment. These lesser machinations of the mind are lower frequency and produce no light.

I thanked Mitra for his wise words and wished him peace in his final transition. His words were simple and beautiful and I wanted to share them with you. If this message resonates with you, please share!

Believe In Your Vision!

Believe In Your Vision!

This little video about the history of Star Wars, based on a statement from George Lucas, touched my heart to the point of tears. I speak about this concept in my recent video podcast (But What Do I Say “YES” To?), on living from a place of intrinsic passion, but there is nothing like a first hand account of following your vision against all odds!

Mainstream Media Gets On Board with UFOs

Mainstream Media Gets On Board with UFOs

A New York Times article was released December 16th, 2017 revealing a black budget funded secret Pentagon program – Advanced Aerospace Threat Identification Program (AATIP) – that is charged with investigating UFO sightings and encounters. Fifty years ago it was called Project Blue Book, which has become an object of speculation and ridicule over the intervening decades. The news came with mixed feelings for many of us who have covered this topic for many years.

The Pentagon ‘s $22-million black budget funding was awarded to Robert Bigelow, a wealthy private contractor working with NASA. His frustration with the snail’s pace of Disclosure is reflected in his comments to The Times, “Internationally, we are the most backward country in the world on this issue,….Our scientists are scared of being ostracized, and our media is scared of the stigma.” Well not today, apparently.

Most of those who have covered this topic over the past half century, including me, have maintained that this subject has been deliberately kept in the dark for so long, particularly in the United States. Italy, Russia, France, Brazil, Hungary, Mexico, China and many other countries have openly embraced the exploration of the inexplicable events occurring in our skies. The United States appears to believe its citizens are too naive and child-like to remain calm and functional with this news.

The New York Times article includes military video footage of unidentified “beyond-next-generation” craft accompanied by the expletives of shocked pilots who captured the footage. High level governmental names were key to the story, including former Senate Majority Leader, Senator Harry Reid, who helped launch the Pentagon’s AATIP. In a recent interview Reid said, “I’m not embarrassed or ashamed or sorry I got this thing going. ….. I think it’s one of the good things I did in my congressional service. I’ve done something that no one has done before.”

The AATIP was run by a military intelligence official, Luis Elizondo from 2007 until this past October. Elizondo resigned from the program in October due to what he characterized as excessive secrecy and internal opposition. While he would not name his successor, Elizondo stated that the program is still in operation despite the funding drying up in 2012.

Senators Ted Stevens (Rep., Alaska) and Daniel Inouye (Dem., Hawaii) were Reid’s colleagues in the secret program. All of the belief that this is a credible topic that needs research and exploration.

The NYTimes article had the feeling of a soft Disclosure to the public. It was released on a holiday season Saturday while shoppers are on the hunt for bargains, playoff games are blaring on TVs in sports bars and homes across the nation and most people are simply looking for relief from the responsibility of everyday life. Coverups, recanting and other politics may follow the New York Times article. But, it’s a baby step.

While the notion of a formal governmental disclosure of UFO files may or may not follow, there comes a point where enough evidence has been leaked into the mainstream awareness that we can collectively agree we are not alone in the universe. Once we can feel comfortable and validated with this concept, then we might begin asking the question that really matters – “Who are WE?”

Why Gratitude Works!

Why Gratitude Works!

We all struggle to tap into our Higher Mind for guidance, because life often seems to block out our clarity. But, this morning a powerful insight struck me – that Gratitude (with a capital G!) is an opening to connection with our own inner wisdom, clarity, and inspiration, with no real effort. Here’s how the insight developed.

Mornings with my partner Zeus are where the spiritual and earth forces meet. Wonderful discussions, sharings and debates rise up over the morning cup of tea, while still in pajamas.

This morning we debated the merit of focusing on Soul vs. Higher Mind, the functional apparatus for communication from Soul.  Gratitude, or direct appreciation, increases the finer frequencies that create an opening between our ordinary conscious and the Higher Mind.   This is the Holy Grail. Why do I call it the Holy Grail?

Because living in direct connection with Higher Mind/Soul is where all of the clarity, meaning and, ultimately, joy of life is coming from. Our Soul’s expanded view of our potential and its incredibly clever ways of manifesting what is for our best is incomprehensible to our ordinary waking mind. This small mind’s lists and plans are truly laughable in the presence of the Higher Mind. But, we are human, and the small mind makes us feel like we have some kind of control over our fate.

When we go into a meditation on gratitude, however, we are conjuring up appreciation for all of the good that has expressed itself in our lives. (If we have wisdom, we are also grateful for those things that challenge us, knowing they are paving the way for the better.)

While being in this state, with closed eyes, we feel these finer feelings akin to a kind of love wash over us. We may tingle, feel euphoric or blissed out. I used to become lost in these sessions because the feelings were so pleasant that time stopped.

These subtle feelings expand our field then into a much finer frequency, one that is much more closely attuned to the Higher Mind. This fosters an openness that is not normally reached while in our daily functional mode, which is oriented to the “doing” of life. This “doing” mode is a more protective and closed field.

Many would say that meditation alone can do this and, in many cases of devout mediators, this is true. But even the novice can create this access to Soul through the feelings of Gratitude.

As another benefit, the things, people, or states of being that we focus upon become energetically empowered via the effects of magnetism. The very focusing of our high-frequency mental/emotional energy upon something amasses a supportive field of energy around it.  That is how remote healing works, as one example.  The quality and beauty of the feeling and thought together, causes a reality-changing injection of energy.

In summary, taking time for Gratitude helps us enjoy powerful positive feelings that open doorways to our Higher Mind that can then whisper its wisdoms into our minds (The Holy Grail).  At the same time we empower the very people and things that we focus on during the meditation.

This is the epitome of a Win-Win-Win!

Dr. Donese Worden

Health begins in the gut, so you don’t want yours to “leak”. Dr. Donese Worden and I begin our series of short “health bites” on specific issues that plague humanity. In this conversation we look at the emerging field of research on the micro biome, or the genetic pathways of the bugs in our bodies. The Russians, Germans and Europeans lead the way in this area of research that shows there are more genes from the bugs that live in our bodies than our own human genes. Dr. Worden explains why we need to feed the good ones and how to keep our guts healthy.

Sun Bow

Bigfoot has been an enigma that has fascinated humanity throughout our history. While many fear the extraordinary creatures, French-Canadian Shaman, Sun Bow, has been presented the opportunity to share their message with humanity. After a paralyzing face to face experience, Sun Bow reluctantly agreed to bring their message on their history, human history and quantum reality forward in two books – The Sasquatch Message to Humanity: Conversations with the Elder Kamooh and The Sasquatch Message To Humanity: Book 2. I met with the shy, off-the-grid shaman recently in British Columbia, Canada.

William Henry

William Henry

Transhumanism is an agenda that is beginning to concern many people who have been following the implications of merging silicon with human DNA with an eye toward immortality. While Hollywood issues forth its glossy representations as predictive programming, Silicon Valley quietly perfects their technologically of “perfecting” humans. William Henry, and I take this subject on along with the antidote – the organic art of immortality through ascending in consciousness.

Truth in a ‘Post Truth’ Era

Truth in a ‘Post Truth’ Era

If there is one bewildering aspect of being human, it is our strange relationship with the concept of Truth. We don’t even notice how many times a day we tell little lies to ourselves and others.

But, the truth is, a healthy world can ONLY be built on Truth. Yet, we live in a world filled with deceit – from lies of mass manipulation to small white lies to preserve a relationship with someone. But, in the end, large or small, lies undermine our sense of peace, beauty and even love.

We all regularly experience the unconscious agreement of buying into the lies of others. Just look at the world around us and see how these current ridiculous pieces fell into place. It happened through one carefully orchestrated, or even careless, lie after another to bend perception toward someone’s gain. The word ‘lie’ itself has even been bent into a farce when it was recently termed “alternative facts.” I nearly fell off my chair when I read that one.

As I have mentioned in previous blogs, the Human Being is a uniquely conflicted species. Highly intelligent and creative beyond our imagination on one hand, and easily controllable, living in fear for our own survival on the other. The Animal Man’s fear of survival easily succumbs to control through deception. It will believe anything that makes it feel safer, even if believing the lie in reality makes your actual situation more dangerous. This perception of survival is where Truth can become very inconvenient indeed.

Relationships of all kinds, be it work, friendship or intimate love, find us shape-shifting the truth to be accepted by another person. The fear is that to be judged or rejected will threaten our sense of safety, or even survival. So, as a means to an end, we misrepresent ourselves. Then we have to  keep up the facade, living in fear of being discovered for the fraud that we are (or have represented ourselves as.) This creates a low level, constant anxiety, whether we know it or not. Worse, it keeps us from our genuine truth and genuinely meaningful connections.

In trying to make something fraudulent work for us, we deny the opportunity to find the very thing that DOES work for us. I believe we have all experienced this in one relationship or another. We try to keep it together with one compromise and deflection of truth after another. Why? Because something in us believes either we don’t deserve, or can’t somehow have, what is divinely and rightfully ours. So we use subtle deceits to keep the familiar going.

Conversely, when the “moment of truth” arrives at various times in our lives, we feel relieved. Heart pumping, sweaty palmed we face off with someone, knowing we can’t play the game of deceit any longer. We tell our big Truth, knowing the entire house might burn down. Then this thing happens. A tremendous release of tension and anxiety flows out of us. The Emptying lets us feel ourselves for the first time in ages. In this Void exists all possibility. Over time, the new begins flowing in and filling the Void. Perhaps love, or work, or friendship arrives once again.

If we have the courage to demonstrate our truth from the beginning, the learning curve and course correction is incredibly short, rather than painful and extended. We move on to find the best positioning or fit for ourselves.

If there is one thing that stops a person from pursuing this logical procession, it is a simple lack of faith that life is filled with Grace and Abundance in the real sense of the word. In a future blog I will speak about Grace and Abundance. This will not be your New Age Mama’s version. It’s literally all around us waiting to be expressed through us, but it demands patience and a little bit of faith.

Free-Will: Part One

Free-Will: Part One

Okay. The game is on, and we can now begin to exhibit our free-will in shaping the future. The surprising events that have unfolded over the past year have told us – unequivocally – that we’re ready for a new reality to emerge. So, what is our part in helping to create a new reality?

First, instead of becoming more agitated, perhaps we become still. Second, we dive deep within ourselves to listen to our Inner Voice. If we get that far, and actually hear an answer, we have to discern how we’re going to approach the message.

While we are listening to the Inner Voice of the Higher Mind, we have Free-Will to act upon it or ignore it. I have found, however, that ignoring these messages comes at our own peril. If we do choose to listen to the message, we need to determine how we are going to interact with it.

I have found that when my Higher Mind or Spirit speaks, it generally knows what it’s talking about. I might go into resistance at the message, and even try to ignore it, but I always lose. Let me give you one humorous example, though it didn’t feel funny at the time.

I have spent a large percentage of my tourist dollars over a lifetime to place myself in France, and I was preparing to visit France once again. It’s a pull from past lives that I have found difficult to ignore. The culture and cuisine have proved intoxicating along with that strange “je ne sais quoi” – or, karma – calling.

As I was readying to buy my plane ticket, I happened to go into a meditation in which The Voice said, “You’re not going.” to which I said, “Yes, I am.” So I bought the ticket. I am a Free Woman with Free Will!

I found the ticket at a good price and packed my bags. The night before the flight I smugly thought “I told you I’m going!” The coast was clear with no obstacles (that I could see) to stop me.

When I awoke the next morning, I had to sprint to the bathroom. Overnight, a pernicious urinary tract infection had set in – for no reason. This had only happened a couple of times in my life, and there was no apparent cause this time. Not only would I not be able to make it to the airport, I couldn’t make it from one rest stop to another in time to heed its very painful call.

I missed my flight. Annoyed, I sat down to meditate over my misfortune when The Voice said, “We told you you were not going.” I asked “But, why?” The response was fascinating.

The Voice said that each time I return to France, each time I speak and hear the language, it brings these pixels of past life energy forward in my aura. These were not the most conscious of past times for me. The message continued by saying that I needed to let this historic energy go and begin building new resonance. Another trip to the scene of my past deeds would subvert this process; it would hold me back.

There had been clues as to this truth, but I had chosen to ignore them. As I practiced my French, I was now finding the language irritating. I suddenly didn’t like the attitude of the people on the language CD. They were haughty. Hearing and speaking the language had become offensive to me. How strange?! “Where was this coming from?”  I thought, having completely forgotten the warning given.

Had I paid attention to the signs, I would have willingly cancelled my plans. But I didn’t listen and, instead, exerted my Free-Will. So, why do I mention this? Well exerted Free-Will requires clarity and responsibility, neither of which I exhibited in this instance. I loved the Free part, but I was not understanding the Will part. Whether Will is generated from my small brain or my Higher Mind is of paramount importance in examining the value of Free-Will. I will write about applied Will in its highest sense very soon.

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